Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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