U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
40s are totally the cure
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Randomize
