when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
