Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
