Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
not ubering you a puppy
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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