well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Randomize
