Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
