I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
