That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
