I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
