he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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