I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
