who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
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