And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
You're a waste of cheezeits
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
