I murdered the dance floor call the cops
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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