She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
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