Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I'm too high and old for this...
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
