So drunk its hurt
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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