I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
