Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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