youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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