Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Randomize
