Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
