Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
wow bdsm is so cute
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize