also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
