Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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