So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Randomize
