matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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