sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Randomize
