I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Randomize
