Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
