Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
