Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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