Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Randomize
