he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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