K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
