New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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