Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
