Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
