the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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