I want to walk on stilts...naked
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Hippo gnu deer
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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