I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
