he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
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