a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
He's a Shit stain on my heart
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
