There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize