She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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