i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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