that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
