Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
