Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Randomize
