You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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