You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
