I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
You made out with two different species that night
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
