Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
