I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
