she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize