6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Randomize