it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Acid is not a monday night drug
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
