Someone shit on the floor
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
