I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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