Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Randomize
