I can't breathe out the right side of my face
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
