Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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