somebody snuck up and got me drunk
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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