We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
