I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
