Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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