She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
