I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
that is very illegal...i love you.
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