i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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