i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
